Monday, August 23, 2010


My dad turned 77 last week. I have wrinkles.  And my mom is sick....she has cancer.  I can admit it.  I can even say it out loud.  "My mom has cancer."  She's had it for a long time, but now she's getting sicker and will most likely start chemo soon.  I can't talk about it.  If I had to talk about it, I'd have to think about it, and what it means, and THAT I don't do.  I don't want to think about what could possibly happen to her.....what she will go through....or what will happen to me seeing her like that.....what will happen to me when she is no longer here.  I can't even admit these things to her because then I would have to face the reality that she actually has cancer, rather than just saying it.  I would break down into a million tears....and I might possibly break into the same number of pieces.  And right now, I'm not strong enough to do that.  So for now, I will try and focus on loving and appreciating her every day, rather than waiting to honor her memory when she is gone.  I will not take fore-granted the amazing mother, grandma, friend, care-giver, and woman she IS.      

These pictures are of Kallie, but when I look at them, I see....I feel my parents' house.  The flowers and fruit trees out back (right now there are peaches everywhere!).  The pebble stone patio, the mat on the step, and even the shoes next to it (the shoes change, but there is ALWAYS a pair there).  The tiled kitchen countertops and the sun streaming in through the family room sky lights.  Everything is the same from growing up.  And in all of these things.....I feel my mom.  

I am also remembering to "appreciate" Kallie's outfit, which she picked out and put on all by herself.  Yep, a summer dress paired with pajama pants and brown sandals on backwards!  Gotta love that girl :)


1 comment:

Lani said...

I love the outfit:)